So last night I was playing around with some face apps on my phone. Or maybe it was with my iPad. I can't remember. In any case, I downloaded an app and then lo and behold you could do a bunch of things to make your face look like someone else's. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?? I am now Melania Trump!!! I am telling you... I can not stop LAUGHING!! I think this is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Can you even imagine???
Apparently the app takes your face and after you do some playing around with sizing and placement, I guess it transposes it onto another face you have in your photos and bingo. You look like that picture! Case in point: these are basically my ears, my earrings, my chin, my teeth, my cheeks, etc. etc. but then after some aligning, they added Melania on top of me. The app even finagled with my glasses. SO GREAT.
Frankly I never found Melania to be so damn beautiful as Donald seems to think. I hate her pasty expression... it never seems to change no matter how many photos you see of her. I guess I would opt for her figure for sure but to imagine that her husband might have to touch my body makes my skin crawl. On the other hand... I bet they're not having all that much sex anymore anyway so okay. I'll force myself to live in opulence if need be. Or not. Even that trade off could be a total turn off now that I think of it.
I still love this app, however.
In the meantime... EEEKS. THIS IS THE WEEK. Once again I have a birthday (thank God) and while I am thrilled to have been on this earth for 69 years what REALLY freaks me out is that NEXT year I will be 70!! Uh... God willing. Yet willing or not... 70 IS OLD AS SHIT and for the first time in my life I can see already that I will have a pretty difficult time with an age number. For in the end, it only points to one thing... my days here on Earth are shrinking by the minute.
Yes, I've been pretty lucky to have had a really wonderful life on every level you can think of. I don't even have anything on my Bucket List that I simply COULDn't live without. Instead what REALLY upsets me is... get this... all the fantastic food I will never again get to eat!! THAT I will miss almost more than anything. I know. It's totally sick of me to think this way but I can't help it. No more lobster?? No more chocolate?? No more prime rib?? NO MORE FRENCH FRIES?? Oh God... say it ain't so. Man... no doughnuts. No pasta. No hot dogs. No Greek salad with a gyro? Who the hell wants to do away with THAT? Unless of course a major feast awaits all of us once we get to Heaven. If only. In the meantime...
Here is a picture of what I actually look like at 69.
I know. Far from Melania but as I say each year... things could be worse, I guess. Yeah, I'm not 16 anymore nor 29 and not even 45. But other than my damaged belly and droopy breasts I guess I can learn to live with my appearance. Uh... what choice do I have anyway? Trust me... I've seen plenty of other 69 year olds and I wouldn't trade places with them in a million years. The best part about being my age however is the fact I got here with no major freaky health problems at all!! Hallefuckingluyah. For that I am tremendously grateful!!
Perhaps as a birthday present, Trump is pretty much getting closer to being ousted. Now THAT would be a gift like none other. As I listened to MSNBC all night tonight it appears this man is definitely fucked and I can not tell you how much I am enjoying watching him and his White House spiral out of control. Granted... Melania may not be getting off on it but you so can be SURE I am.
In closing here a picture of me in what I imagine I would look like Victorian days. I love this shot! Especially since I would have loved to have known Queen Victoria. She's by far my favorite queen. Man. How much fun am I having with this deal! Can keep me busy for days.