Friday, May 26, 2017

I CAN'T EVEN

Oh my God. I can’t even tell you how utterly disGUSTed I was earlier today. I totally wanted to throw up and believe you me… were I all alone in the house I certainly would have.

I had just awoken from a very long nap… didn’t sleep well last night but whatever… and I immediately walked into the kitchen to naturally grab a Diet Coke and begin marinating some chicken breasts. Thereupon I sorta noticed a huge something on my kitchen counter but really didn’t give it all that much notice given I was REALLY looking at the defrosted chicken next to my sink. And right then… in walks my kid.

VERY nonchalantly, with my back to him and to this humongous “thing” I happened to basically say… HEY. WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT THING ON THE COUNTER. Bingo. I went crazy. His reply to me?? Sitting down??

IT WAS A HUGE, HUGE, HUGE DEAD PIG’S LEG BONE!!! AS IN: ABOUT 25 INCHES LONG AND ABOUT 10 INCHES IN CIRCUMFERENCE. FROM WHAT LOOKED LIKE TO BE A 150 POUND PIG!!

Oh my GOD. I went beserk. WHAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS DISGUSTING THING DOING ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER? LET ALONE IN MY HOUSE?? GET RID OF THAT IMMEDIATELY!! I DON’T WANT TO EVER SEE THAT F’ING THING EVER AGAIN. To which he happened to then say:

IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL! I’M JUST DEFROSTING IT. AND BESIDES… THERE’S ALSO ONE IN THE REFRIGERATOR. At that little tidbit, I wanted to puke on him, on me, on the bone, and on my kitchen floor. Holy shit. Turns out… I don’t do well with dead body parts the size of Montana. Or Rhode Island. I don’t care WHAT the size. Soooo disgusting!

Next question from me of course was: WHY? My kid had a pretty good answer, I must admit, but still. I was totally SICKENED by all this! And oh yeah… I made him cover it all up with aluminum foil IMMEDIATELY so I didn’t have to view any part of this crapola. Turns out… given his job of assisting in orthopedic surgies, he wanted to “practice” his skill at doing sutures and apparently… practicing on bones of dead pigs is an excellent way of doing it. F’ING KILL ME NOW. Seriously… I can’t even TELL you how nauseated I was by this entire incident.

Who the hell brings this kind of thing home anyway?? To MY home no less! I am telling you… I was this shy from running to grab an Ativan so my heart would stop pounding. I mean it… I don’t even look at my own X-ray’s when at the doctor’s. It’s HIS job to view them. Not mine. Anyway...

Tomorrow my next question to my kid has GOT to be: WAIT. ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU’RE GOING TO BE CUTTING THIS LEG BONE IN HALF SO YOU CAN THEN PRACTICE DOING THE SUTURES??? IN MY KITCHEN??  Oh man… how much you want to bet THAT is never going to happen??

Just reliving this little story is making me sick all over again. I’d LIKE to say I’ve seen my last time of ever eating steak bones or even pork ribs, but sad to say… I doubt that will ever happen. Unless of course I just stick with the steak bone but frankly… THIS bone I had on my counter? Was totally close to being the size of a cow’s leg.

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