Man... I can't TELL you what great feeling is to be back to the Land of Linda. AND back to being my honest to goodness self once again! I had no CLUE I was even gone, but lo and behold... since I've returned to my real self, I'm thrilled to no end.
It all began about 10 months ago, I think. I totally felt as if I were being pulled in a zillion different emotional directions, and apparently, it was taking a toll on me. Not that I even realized it mind you, but one by one, each issue was beginning to weigh heavily upon my psyche. However... I THOUGHT I was doing okay. I THOUGHT I was happy enough. I THOUGHT I had everything under control. I basically THOUGHT I was still me.
Uh... but apparently not. Because it was like one day, a couple months ago, I just woke up and said: HOLY SHIT. TIME OUT, HERE. I TOTALLY THINK I'M NOT MY HAPPY GO LUCKY SELF ANYMORE AND I DEFINITELY THINK I NEED TO GET A GRIP HERE. It was like a definite Admiral Stockdale moment from the 1992 VP debate where he actually verbalized aloud: WHO AM I? WHY AM I HERE? Jesus. Now THERE was one troubled, dude, alright. Anyway...
Seriously, for a good 10 months, I was beginning to uh... miss being ME. What the hell happened to that happy, carefree lady that was all about fun, feasts and festivities, anyway? I LOVED that lady and then I realized not only was I missing in action, but more importantly, I was beginning to miss me like crazy!
Whoa. It was a startling revelation, to say the least. I couldn't believe that I was walking through the MOTIONS of being that remarkable Linda of ole, but in reality... I was somehow but a mere shadow of her for a while. Which is why, in the past several weeks, I took a long, hard look at myself, mulled over some personal bullshit issues, modified some actions and behaviors and bingo. GUESS WHAT?
I ACTUALLY DO BELIEVE I'M TOTALLY BACK TO THE LADY I USED TO BE, AND ESPECIALLY, TO THE LINDA I'VE GROWN TO LOVE AND ADORE.
I can't tell you how thrilled I am! Hello Linda... it's totally fanTASTIC to see me, again! And, it's fantastic to have all the bullshit behind me so that once again, I can entertain the world with my presence, my wit and yes, my charm. I know... I'm modest, right??
In the meantime, I guess some people take meds when they say WHOA NELLIE... WHERE'D THE REGULAR ME GO??... but am happy to say I didn't have to go that route at all. I guess I just needed time to work things out in my head until everything finally settled down once again. I also think that, not only were the past 10 months so very hard on me, BUT couple that with the long, horrible summer months that I so hate anyway and boom. It just maybe turns out I needed beautiful, peaceful autumn to arrive so I could become myself all over again.
Granted... during all this time, had you spent time with me, YOU'D have thought I was my normal, jolly self. For in reality, in spite of my being so outgoing and open and direct, I am indeed a very private person when it comes to the major personal side of me. I would NEVER have divulged whatever angst I might be feeling to anyone. So whereas YOU would have thought I was A-OKAY, I would have definitely known better. I mean I was going out, being social, doing my regular things in life, etc. but frankly... my heart really wasn't into it at all. Until now, that is. HALLEFUCKINGLUJAH. Plus...
And this is big... For the past 10 months I didn't even have it in me to do my beloved yoga!! Which REALLY should have been a clue, I guess. For I absolutely love my yoga sessions. Which thank GOD I began doing again two weeks ago. Granted... I am NOwhere where I used to be in flexibility. But my 45 minute session tonight for instance, was WAY better than when I began. But trust me... I have a long way yet to go. Don't even ask. My stretches are borderline painful. True, the muscles and ligaments are easing up but man. Don't EVER stop doing yoga for ten months. You'll want to shoot yourself altogether.
So yes... I'm glad to be back to the Land of Linda. You may not have missed her, but lordy, lordy, I sure did. I'm definitely happily psyched about the Halloween costume I'm donning Saturday night. I'm tickled pink about the Seafood Buffet I'm going to tomorrow night. I'm REALLY thrilled that Bonnie AND Teresa are back in full swing once again. And best of all... if you ask me how I'm doing and I reply FINE... I'm totally not faking it any longer. Finally. I'll be telling you the God's honest truth. So basically... HI LINDA, WELCOME BACK TO THE LAND OF WELL BEING. Yippee. I totally feel human again.
WTG Linda!
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