O. M. G. READY FOR THISSSS?

Holy ba holy. You better sit down. THIS IS BIG. REAL big. As in: hell HAS supposedly frozen over. 

MEET OLLIE.

This is just the craziest thing you can ever imagine. I can't even believe it myself. SO ABSOLUTELY NOT LIKE ME since I AM basically a selfish bitch. But apparently things have changed. Unbelievably I might add. Get this...

Last Sunday I participated in something called MITZVAH DAY. A day whereby you do something nice for people. Especially strangers. However in this instance, it wasn't even a person but instead, an organization. Think: the Humane Society. I had some friends who were also participating and they were going there for a couple of hours, to sort of help out in some way. Ergo: I decided to join them. Of course within seconds of my being in the caged dog area of the place I immediately began to gag, so I had to hightail it back to main lobby likety split. But whatever.

The mitzvah we were all to do was to help walk the dogs which once I stopped wanting to throw up, was certainly easy enough. The first dog they brought me was kinda frisky if I remember correctly so boom. Enter: Ollie. Whose original name was Oreo, btw. However I knew I wouldn't be able to live with THAT name at all, so Oreo is now Ollie. Just like me, right? Screw up the dog right off the bat. Anyway...

I walked Ollie for about a half hour or more and all I can tell you is he was just absolutely ADORABLE. So damn sweet and calm and friendly. Just the kind of dog that could make someone who wasn't even looking for a pet think twice. I mean seriously... EVERYone was totally in love with him. And the more I spent time with him the more I thought: whoa. Maybe he'd like living in a pretty comfy home instead of these cages at the Humane Society. Maybe he'd like breathing fresh air most of the time and maybe he'd like scaring off potential robbers and/or rapists.

So one thing led to another and uh... guess what. I picked up Ollie this afternoon. And I am so telling you... HE'S PERFECT. I can't even believe it. He's soooo calm and gentle. Doesn't go running crazy ass all over the place. Doesn't bark when he meets strangers. Doesn't do drama. Doesn't go crazy when he sees other dogs. All of which basically points to the fact: Ollie is proving to be a PERFECT match for me! Best of all... he's totally house trained. YIPPEE. No furniture chewing either.

Before I picked Ollie up I stopped at PetSmart to get him a bed, a leash, a collar, some food and some gourmet treats. Might as well get him used to the good things in life right off the bat, right? Then I headed over to the Humane Society to get my new four legged son and brought him home to show him his new digs so he could bond. So far I think he likes it! I'm dying to ask Ollie, who is 4 years old, how his other home was, but turns out Ollie doesn't speak English all that well. He used to live with some lady who had to move to assisted living which might be sad for her, but man. I think it's pretty damn happy for me. And hopefully for Ollie too.

Bear in mind I am not an animal lover by any stretch of the imagination. On the other hand, I'm thinking Ollie will be wonderful company and of course will also not yell at me should I ever feel the need to bitch and moan and complain. He pretty much has the run of the house so far plus I've left the kitchen door open so he can go back and forth into the backyard should he want. I swear... I think this is totally going to be a win-win situation for the two of us.

Besides, he's pretty cute, huh? Because trust me... were Ollie not cute, I'd not have given him a second's thought. I almost want to say that I also think his previous owner may have had him trained for Ollie never walks in front of me. Always behind me, letting me lead the way which is just the way I like running things around here. We went out for a short little walk earlier and it was great.

In the picture Ollie looks like a small dog, which he is. BUT... oh man is he ever heavy!! I can hardly pick him up! Seriously. He weighs about 30 pounds I think and kinda like me... he totally carries alot of his weight on his bottom. UNlike me though, Ollie is all muscle. Also unlike me he is part Boston Terrier and part Chihuahua. Or so I'm told anyway.


In the meantime... I so hope this works out and frankly, I think it WILL. This has been a perfect first day for the dog and for me so basically... like I said: hell HAS frozen over. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I'd have a dog. Just goes to show... I don't know s@&t about anything anymore.