AQUISITIONS

OH MY GAWWWD. I can't believe how God damn WHIPped my head is at the moment! It's spinning but plenty given I am presently holding more new information in my brain today, than I have held in maybe the past six months put together. And let me just tell you... it is NO easy feat by ANY stretch of the imagination! I have hordes of new data going on inside and it's wearing upon me but PLENTY. And further... it's totally taken over my entire life for the past three days. 

Now that's the bad news. The good news is: I am now the proud new owner of three of the most incredible items ever. Two of which require I re-learn and store ZILLIONS of new information. Hence the brain overload.

1. Okay. Let's start with this: Last Monday... just days after it's release... I hightailed my sweet little ass over to my local Verizon store to  buy a new Samsung Galaxy Note 4 phone. OMG. IT'S SO INCREDIBLE, YOU WON'T EVEN BELIEVE IT. First of all, the screen is HUGE so naturally it helps my poor little eyeballs to view the screen with no trouble whatsoever. HALLEF'INGLUJAH. Plus it gives me WAY more customization ability than the iPhone 6. Sorry, Apple; you lose. In the meantime I've been simply thrilled with this purchase and seriously everyone... I suggest you too, consider getting one. You won't be sorry. So check. I have the new phone. On the other hand...

HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY HOURS I'VE PUT INTO LEARNING ALL THE FANTASTIC FEATURES ON THIS NEW TECHIE TOY?? LET ALONE DOWNLOADING A BUNCH OF NEW APPS? Don't even ASK. Talk about being crazy ass. Uh... thank GOD for the Verizon Cloud. Regardless, all I know is that I spent three hours at the store purchasing the phone, came home, played with the features, wrote down about 20 questions, headed right smack BACK to the store the very next day and spent yet anOTHER two hours getting all my answers. I totally needed 56 hour days. The bottom line? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS NEW PHONE. Okay. Acquisition number one.

2. So next: Last weekend was THE coldest night of the year thus far. I mean COLD. And... I had to attend a birthday party at one of the hotels in Asheville so NATURALLY all of the guests had to wear their alltime warmest coat ever. As we were all leaving, grabbing our coats from the rack, I noticed Marshall's coat and went nuts. It wasn't the first time I've seen it but IMMEDIATLELY I told him and his wife: I, WITHOUT A DOUBT, AM CALLING DIBS ON THIS COAT! I ADORE IT! No wonder. Marshall was originally from Chicago and lo and behold what kind of coat does he have?  A FULL LENGTH MINK COAT FOR MEN THAT IS BY FAR THE MOST STUNNING THING I'VE EVER SEEN. Apparently my raving paid off because get this.

Two days later I got a phone call from Marshall's wife and what does she tell me?? Oh man... you better sit down for this. She tells me that she and Marshall spoke and decided that: given his previous wife, who passed away and had an equally stunning full length mink coat that has been sitting in the closet for seven years... maybe I'd like to come over, try it on and if it fits... take it!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I'd LOVE to have this BEAUTIFUL MINK COAT IN A HEARTBEAT! Lordy Lordy. WHAT AN INVITE is all I can say. I raced over the very next day... tried on the mink... FIT LIKE A GLOVE. Sooooo luxurious you can't even imagine! Which basically means: I AM a queen afterall!! It's so warm and so beautiful it takes my breath away. It also weighs about 15 pounds but who's counting. I am sooo praying that everyday until March is about 32 degrees. Bingo. I'M WEARING THE COAT. Uh... I mean... acquisition number two.

3. Turns out my desktop computer was way old... in fact there's no longer any support for Windows XP and it was totally time to upgrade. Which I did when Mitch came over last week and helped me to order a new one. YIPPEE. IT ARRIVED YESTERDAY. Which meant that today, Mitch came over, spent four hours setting up the new computer, migrating all my files to it, and then showing me how to actually use Windows 7. (he told me I would HATE Windows 8, so I'll just upgrade when 10 comes out next year or whenever) Uh... btw... I have NO clue  what the hell I am doing with this operating system. Everything is so different than what I'm used to on XP and for the life of me, I can't figure out zillions of things I need to know. Care to guess just how long my list of questions is NOW? Forget the new phone questions. THESE questions are doubled in length, for sure. I feel as if I'm back in DOS trying to learn Windows all over again and IT'S HARD. 

My poor brain is so f'ing taxed and I see no end in sight for at least the next month. As for my new keyboard, btw... I HATE IT. I think it's smaller than my other one and is also set up a little differently, so that alone is driving me nuts. I have never actually LOOKED at the keyboard as much as I'm doing today. As we speak, even. WTF? Where IS Print Screen, anyway?? But... maybe I'll get the hang of it in time. So basically... whammo. Acquisition number three!

I have to say however: since my Friday nights will never be the same for the next six weeks... Bill Maher is taking a holiday break... I guess I'll be devoting THAT time to practicing on my phone and on my computer. Of course then, for a cool down of sorts, I'll be heading to my iPad for a bunch of games on Words With Friends. After which, I'll be listening to my Kindle so I can peacefully fall asleep hearing a bunch of wonderful stories.  

All in hopes of course, of re-energizing my currently fried brain. DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS PHONE AND COMPUTER LAST ME FOR EVER. EDUCATING ME ALL OVER YET AGAIN IS SOMETHING I SERIOUSLY DOUBT I CAN HANDLE EVER AGAIN. THANK YOU GOD. AMEN.