ANOTHER SENIOR MOMENT

It was over a year ago that I wrote about my unhappy discovery that I apparently shrunk in height. I was at the doctor’s and much to my chagrin they ALways make me get on the scale, afterwhich they then take my height measurement.

Yes, I had lost weight, but believe me, that did nothing to make me smile about my height being an inch shorter. I remember well how I was TOTally freaked that day. Talk about getting old but FAST. It definitely startled my psyche, proving once again I’m a bona fide senior citizen. EEEKS.

Well guess what. IT HAPPENED AGAIN.

Only this time, it occured while I was in the shoe department of Stein Mart. And… I was as heartsick upon my discovery as I was during the original height discovery. Man. My years are SO so numbered. Regardlless…

There I was, happily browsing Stein Mart, finally making my way to the shoe department. I had to. They were having a sale whereby you could buy one pair of shoes and get 50% off any other pair; an offer I usually don’t fall for, btw. I find it retail offensive given they are basically trying to scam you into spending even more money than you really intended. But whatever.

Turns out this time however, I really DID find two pairs of shoes I wanted so basically, it wound up being a good thing afterall. What wasn’t so good was…

In both cases I selected my normal shoe size. I tried them on and then walked around a moment to test things out. It was then that I thought to myself… hmmm… these are a bit roomy, so I think maybe I should go down a size. Boom I tried on one size smaller and again… a bit too roomy. At this point, I didn’t think too much about it given different manufactures often have different fits. Finally I found a size that fit perfectly. A full size smaller, I might add.

It was when I got to the SECond pair of shoes, and found them ALso too roomy that I began to  become very unsettled. Then it hit me.

OMG. IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN. I’M SHRINKING. I’M BECOMING WAY TOO OLD. SIGNALS ARE COMING AT ME FROM ALL OVER THE PLACE! NOW EVEN MY FEET ARE BECOMING OLD LADY-ISH!!

I am just so shocked at all the signs pointing to my being a full fledged senior citizen. Not even that, actually. A full fledged old lady with only mere years left on the planet! OMG. This is just so disheartening.

Okay. So at 40 I needed glasses. At 50 I needed a list for almost everything. At 60 I needed blood pressure medicine. Now at 70??? I’m fucking losing inches!!  Not to mention the sagging breasts, bullshit thighs, forgetting what I was looking for… and everything in between. Oh man. This is so not a pretty picture.

I will say however, that in spite of my horror, a good thing did come out of it all. I DID wind up with two pairs of beautiful shoes. Granted... shoes way smaller than I've ever worn since high school. Here… check it out for yourself. I happen to love both and they are way comfortable, too. The second pair are not usually my favorite, with the scallops and all, but as it happens… on the foot, it looks really pretty.

Oh yeah… I think I’ll order these online, too. Totally stunning. Afterall, in my book, no one can ever have too many black shoes. Especially not in my closet. 

In closing, I do have to say that a really good thing occurred last week. I had a mammogram and bone density exam and I am thrilled that my bones are pretty much in as good a shape as they were 10 years ago. Apparently, in SPIte of my shrinkage. I guess I can live with all this, certainly because thank GOD my health at large seems to be holding it’s own and is in kinda tip top shape. So far, anyway. BUT….


If too many other things begin to happen as I approach 70, I’ll so not be happy. It’s when I can’t drive anymore, hear anymore or walk any more… THAT’S when I will be closer and closer to considering my planned little end of life cocktail. On the other hand… I’ll have really spiffy looking shoes to wear when headed over to the other side. Which is more important than you might think.